Here We Go Again
by ScandalousCastleAnatomy
Summary: The American dream. Often idealized as having the perfect picket fence. The perfect kid. The perfect spouse. The perfect house. It is always when everything seems to be going right, that there's something so astoundingly unexpected that sends that perfect life to a screeching halt. The question is, how does Olivia Pope handle such normal familial chaos? (TUMBLR PROMPT)


Hey guys! Here's another Tumblr prompt that is from **babycakesbriauna**. It tucks at my heartstrings every time I read it. Enjoy!

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**Despite the warm summer air, Olivia still had the chubby newborn bundled up. Fitz looked at the sleeping bundle in the car seat he was carrying. "Livvie, she looks like she's roasting."**

The look on her face let him know that he should stop speaking immediately but when she turned to continue walking he moved the blanket over a little to give his baby girl some reprieve.

Harper had barely been home a month when she got, according to the doctor, a very common viral infection. In simple terms, a cold. But her mucus filled nose and small fevers had induced panic in Olivia and caused her to go into helicopter mom overdrive. It didn't help that the baby had yet to gain any color so she turned bright red at any sign of overheating which promptly earned her the nickname 'Rosie'.

They crossed the small parking lot and made their way into the freezing hospital lobby, where Fitz immediately adjusted the light jacket that he was wearing. He knew that the maneuver didn't escape her attention as soon when he caught her rolling her eyes.

It had been like this for nearly two weeks. Two weeks of eye rolling and deep sighs and pointed looks. The only time she'd directly said anything to him was to kick him out of their bedroom and to inform him of this appointment fifteen minutes before she was about to leave the house when he confronted her.

"You know you'll have to at least pretend like you care whether I exist or not once we get off this elevator." Fitz warned, trying to keep his voice steady as they walked into the metal box so that she wouldn't hear the fear in his voice that she really didn't.

He got exactly what he had expected which was silence and a sharp look as she faced the doors and refused to look at him again. As soon as the doors opened she was a different person. Or really just the person that he hadn't seen in a while. A smile took over her face as she walked straight to the counter to inform the clerk of their arrival and then she sat next to him with a clipboard in hand, filling it out quickly.

"Livvie-"

"Can you pick up Harper? She's starting to whine."

This time it's Fitz who rolls his eyes, mumbling under his breath. Her avoidance was another thing that he'd gotten used to within the last few weeks but before he could follow her instruction a nurse came out to guide them into a private exam room where the silence felt louder without the soft elevator music.

"We have to talk eventually." Fitz tries again as Olivia slips off her clothes and hands them to him before slipping on the gown left for her. "You can't spend the rest of our lives ignoring me."

"Fitz, don't act like you don't know why I'm angry." Olivia bites back, her sharp voice causing Harper to whimper from underneath all of the blankets in her lavender car seat.

She's in Fitz' arms in an instant and her eyes are shut before he can even get her into a comfortable position in his arms. When his eyes finally meet Olivia's again, they're filled with longing so instead of retorting he just holds her gaze and tries to convey as much of an apology as he possibly can.

The doctor comes in with a nurse before either of them can break the silence and the effervescent smile is back on her face. Fitz shakes his head subtly. If anyone should have been a politician it was her.

"Ms. Pope, President Grant." The doctor nods at both of them before stopping directly in front of Olivia. "You guys are my favorite patients but I didn't think I'd see you back here so soon."

Olivia's smile falters as she nods, briefly looking at Fitz before turning her attention back to the doctor but Fitz answers before she has to.

"Well, no offense, Dr. Burgess, but we weren't really planning to see you either."

She nods her head chuckling, the thick curls of her ponytail shaking with her small frame. Fitz liked her. In many ways she reminded him of his wife. She was thin, small, well spoken, and had a sneaky sense of humor. It was hard not to really.

"I know, I know." She replies, gesturing for the nurse to come forward. "Which is why we're going to take some blood to make sure that you _really are_ pregnant and then we'll go from there."

The nurse takes that as her cue to begin and starts preparing Olivia's left arm for the needle.

"And while she does that," Dr. Burgess continues, taking the small purple frames from her face and tucking them into her pocket. "You, Mr. President, are going to hold your wife's hand while I hold little Miss. Harper."

Fitz laughs at the smile that she gives him, the small gap in her teeth adding charm to her bold personality. Nevertheless, he follows her orders and tucks his sleeping daughter into her arms and moves to Olivia's side. She's still not looking at him but she burrows her face in his chest for support and squeezes his hand as the needle breaks skin.

The room is silent while the nurse works, letting the vile fill up and when she's done Olivia pulls away like she'd ended up in Fitz' arms by accident.

"It wouldn't be horrible if you were pregnant again." Fitz whispers to her, hoping not to disturb the cooing coming from their doctor about how chubby Harper's legs were. "Look at that kid, we did a good job."

Olivia looks at him incredulously.

"We shouldn't have kids because they're cute. What kind of logic is that?"

"All I meant was that she's not a bad looking kid. We've both seen worse so...I mean, it wouldn't be horrible if we had another one."

Olivia shakes her head, a small smile coming across her face.

"I thought she'd have a little more color. She's so pale."

Fitz bursts into laughter at Olivia's admittance. Harper had a light tint to her skin but curled in Dr. Burgess' arms, whose skin was such a perfect shade of brown that Crayola would have a hard time matching it, she looked like she could blend into the moon.

His laughter catches the doctor's attention, causing her to move closer with the baby.

"If you don't mind me injecting my two cents, having kids really close together like this usually seems like a pain at first but they always have someone to play with, you get all of the hard things out of the way at the same time instead of two or three years apart and when you get tired of them, they go off to college at the same time." Her gaze softens as she takes in Olivia's face. "And you really have nothing to worry about."

Olivia nods her head at the reassurance but it's not until the doctor hands her the baby and excuses herself to go check on the test results that her body calms completely.

The room is silent again as Olivia traces her daughter's features. She was still so small that her face changed every day. Sometimes she'd look at her and she'd be a carbon copy of Fitz and then the next day Olivia and then the day after a perfect blend of the both of them. She could stare at her forever and never tire of it.

"She doesn't love me as much as she loves you." Olivia whimpers into the quiet room, her voice filled with aching as she stares at the perfect little girl in her arms. "She only stops crying when you pick her up and when she smiles she smiles at you. She falls asleep in your arms and when she wakes up she looks for you. The only time she's comfortable with me is when I'm feeding her or she's sleeping and if you could feed her or she knew I was holding her when she was sleeping, she'd probably cry then, too."

Fitz' expression is pained as he looks at his wife. He knew she'd been thinking it. He knew it every time Harper whimpered and immediately quieted at his touch or when she wiggled incessantly when he entered her room. It was the looks that Olivia gave him. He could feel the hurt radiating off of her when Harper quieted as soon as he picked her up at night but cried for twenty minutes when Olivia did.

"Livvie, she doesn't love one of us more." He tries soothing her but really he has no idea what to say.

She doesn't respond to him, though, continuing on her monologue.

"What happens if I really am pregnant and we have two kids that hate me? What then?" Her voice begins to rise, almost to the point of panic. "How am I supposed to be a good mother to two kids if I can't even get the first one to acknowledge me? Harper doesn't even like me!"

The shrillness of her hysterical voice wakes up the baby and she instantaneously bursts into tears which doesn't help Olivia's state at all. Fitz shakes his head, hoping that the rocking motion that Olivia's started will calm them both but it doesn't and before he knows it, Olivia has passed Harper to him and buried her face in her hands. He's not holding her for more than fifteen seconds when her crying softens to whimpers and no more than thirty when the whimpering peters out altogether.

"See!" Olivia shouts into her hands, muffling her voice.

Fitz can her how choked up she is, see the moisture on the gown from where the tears are slipping between her fingers. He sets the baby back into her car seat and slips the custom pacifier into her mouth before turning to attend to his wife. Fitz uses his fingers to gently pry hers away from her face and begins kissing the tears from her face as soon as he can see it. By the time her face is dry and her breathing has returned to normal, Dr. Burgess is walking into the door with a sheet of paper in her hands, pausing in the door frame at the position of the couple.

Fitz was holding Olivia by her wrists and she was staring into his eyes sorrowfully.

"Do you need me to come back?" She asks in a soft voice, filled with compassion.

"No, it's fine." Olivia croaks, removing her hands from Fitz' and sitting back on the exam table to face the doctor.

She looks at Fitz for a confirmation and he nods, knowing that Olivia wouldn't want to draw attention to the fact that she'd been crying.

"Well, I don't know if you're ready for a congratulations or not but you are, in fact, pregnant."

Olivia and Fitz nod, avoiding each others eyes as the doctor continues on with a small list of instructions that they'd heard for the first time barely a year prior. When she's finally done, she offers the couple a good luck and some prenatal pills before vacating the room to allow Olivia to put her clothes back on. It was kind of ridiculous how the hospital wanted her naked for a simple blood test, she laments as she jumps back into her jeans, thinking of anything to keep her mind off of her the fact that her new pregnancy was indeed a pregnancy. There was still a small part of her that was hoping that the fifteen home tests that she took within the last couple of weeks were wrong.

Once Olivia's clothes are back on and Harper is properly buckled back in her seat, they make their way from the exam room in silence, still avoiding each other when Dr. Burgess' small figure quickly makes its way to them.

"I almost forgot," She breathes trying to catch her breath as she hands over a small bag. "It's for Harper. I wasn't lying when I said that you are my favorites. It's just a small gift."

Olivia takes it from her since Fitz is holding the car seat and begins searching through the bag pulling out a personalized elephant pacifier, a monogrammed elephant blanket, and a hand stitched elephant stuffed animal with Harper's initials on the left foot.

"I just really like elephants." She pronounces, her voice high pitched in excitement and her gapped smile coming out to play again.

It makes them laugh at how genuine she is.

"Plus, I figured it wouldn't be _too _much of a problem since you're republican." She laughs, shooting a look at Fitz.

"Hey, you don't see me objecting." Fitz jokes with her but before he can continue Olivia pipes up.

"What he means to say is that we love it without any hidden political agenda."

They all chuckle before the couple thanks her again and she disappears to do her job and then the smiles are gone. They walk with a good foot in between them and not a word or even a glance is passed between the two until later into the night when Fitz finds Olivia hovering over Harper's crib.

"When I look at her I just think about all of the things that I've done wrong in the two and a half months that she's been alive and I don't know how I'm going to do it again. I just keep thinking about how sick she was and even though I was up with her all night and trying to soothe her, I still didn't know how to fix it. I'm her mother and I didn't know how to fix it." She whispers into the dark room, her eyes locked on the tiny human in the crib. "I'm just tired, Fitz. I love her, I do but I can't help but think that I'm putting my life on hold to be a mother. I didn't even want kids before I met you and I'm still not entirely sure that I even _like_ kids. I worked my whole life to get where I am professionally and I can't even go to work because I'm at home being a mom and I feel like I can't complain to anyone because I'm supposed to love this and I feel like I can't talk to you because you _do_ love this. I don't want to sit at home all day and think about arts and crafts projects or make cookies or organize PTA meetings. Harper's already getting the short end of the stick and she doesn't even know it and now I have to bring another kid into this life where I don't give 100% because there will always be a part of me wanting to give fifty of that hundred to my job."

Fitz observes her side profile with the help of the moonlight coming in from the bay window and lets Olivia's confession sink into his mind.

"I'm old."

"What?" She whispers sharply, her head turning to his immediately, shocked at his off topic response.

"I'm old. It's not a speculation, it's a fact. When the kids are graduating high school, I'll be older than some of their friend's grandparents." He nods his head, validating his own statement before he continues. "I just worry that I have ten good years in me where I can run around and be with them before I become the old dad that no one wants anything to do with."

Olivia's eyes search his, waiting for the impending joke.

"I'm afraid too, but not once since Harper was conceived have I ever doubted you as a mother."

Olivia shakes her head and turns back to the crib to study Harper's small face some more.

"What's the first thing that you do when I hug you?"

Olivia ignores him, staring ahead.

"Livvie?" He turns her head towards him. "What's the first thing that you do when I hug you?"

She sighs, answering reluctantly.

"I breathe you in."

"Exactly. She doesn't love me more, she loves the way I smell and she gets happy when I come in the room because I toss her around a little bit and she thinks it's funny while you don't do it because you're scared to hurt her. She gets happy because she knows I'll play with her. The reason she looks for me in the morning is because the week that you got sick I couldn't get her to stop crying so I dipped her pacifier in syrup and gave it to her and now she looks forward to it." He sighs heavily in the middle of his small speech. "She doesn't love me more and you have done nothing that even remotely suggests that you are a bad mother. Harper doesn't think so and I'm sure Gerry won't either."

"Gerry?"

"I think it's going to be boy this time and I was right about Harper so I think you should just go with it."

Olivia nods with a small smile on her face, intertwining her fingers with his and stepping into his arms.

"I love you. I know I haven't said it in a while but I do love you." She murmurs into his chest.

"I love you, too." He pauses, kissing her forehead. "Does that mean that I can move back into our bedroom?"

His face is hopeful as he stares down at her, causing her to chuckle.

"Yes, you can move back into our bedroom." She kisses his lips to seal the declaration but before she can slip her tongue into his mouth he pulls away.

"Does that mean we can have make-up sex? Because, in case you've forgotten, I've been cut off for a while."

Olivia gives him a mirthful look and shakes her head.

"Don't you think we should cool it for a bit, I mean, that _is_ what got us in this situation in the first place. Just because I said you can move back in doesn't mean that I've completely forgiven you for getting me pregnant _twice_ in the last year."

It's his turn to shake his head as he laughs softly, dragging her from Harper's nursery to their bedroom.

"At this point it's not like I can get you pregnant again."

"Fitz, no." She argues but once they're behind the closed door of their bedroom she can feel her resolve melting at the look in his eyes.

He expects her to stick to her word so he moves towards the bed, throwing off his pajama pants and shirt before getting in on his side. She eyes him as he seriously gets ready for bed and waits until his eyes lock with hers before she strips her pants and seductively pulls of her cami.

"You have about an hour and forty-five minutes until I have to feed the baby again."

He nods his head looking like a hopeful puppy at the prospect of having her in bed with him and it makes her giggle as she climbs i,n letting him push her underneath him to kiss her neck.

"I can do a lot in an hour and forty-five minutes and there's a chance that she'll sleep through the night." He mumbles with zeal, causing her to laugh again.

It was almost surreal that they woke up this morning saturated in anger as family of three but they would go to bed cuddled in each others arms, in complete bliss, as a family of four. It was almost like the perfect little slice of heaven.

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**Review?**


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